They’re broken. They have no idea why they feel what they feel…hurt, anger, confusion. They have no idea what real love actually consists of. To them, love is bought…what will you give me? What’s in it for me? To them, love is not correction, discipleship, family, parenting. Everybody that matters to them has shown them that they are not worth loving…that other things are more important than them. But miraculously, through all the trauma, somehow the attachement is still there. The loyalty to blood family is insanely strong causing a child to love their birth parents fiercely. Regardless of disappointment and a mask they may wear saying “i hate them and I don’t care.”
And so the process continues in foster care…they are passed from foster home to foster home following the same cycle they’ve come to know…”i’m tired of you now. I can’t handle your acting out. You’re not worth it. You need to go.” Those words…whether spoken or unspoken, ring loud and clear in the minds of so many foster children.  Sadly, they have no real concept of what real family is  supposed to be. And because of that, they don’t know exactly how to act to fit into one either. Oh they desperately want to fit in…but dare they even try? Everybody else has always let them go…will we be any different and push through the fits of rage and show them that they really truely are worthy of love?  
These thoughts inspire me to keep going. To keep pressing on. To be poured out to be Jesus in the lives of ALL my kids. To not grow weary in doing good. To daily fall on my knees before the throne of God and seek his guidance because in my weakness he is made strong, because his grace is enough. To love, because he first loved us. To forgive the daggers thrown at me, because I have been forgiven much. To remember that Jesus promised we would have suffering and trials if we were called by his name. To deny myself and take up my cross and follow him. To remember I am crucified with Christ, yet not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

Yes we are going through some challenging seasons in foster care right now…I want to make sure I share the reality of it all because my hope is that God can use this blogging to encourage other foster parents going through the same thing…you can do this! God’s got this! Keep on keeping on, for the eternal reward is great! And their future is at stake.

PS…sometimes God does lead us to let foster kids go. sometimes they are just with us for a season. Sometimes we are “holding” them for the next person God has for them. We are not always the perfect permanent plan/fit…God will lead you according to his plan. As you seek God’s heart, you will know. “whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying ‘this is the way.'”